"What? I can't hear you!"— Qualified Temporal Deafness (QTD)— How Respectable People Respectfully Disrespect You
I have observed this strange phenomenon of people going deaf at the most inopportune (opportune?) time. It permeates all socio-cultural spaces irrespective of caste, creed, gender, ethnicity, social status, etc.
The other day I connected with the call center agent of a vendor who was expected to visit my residence and fix the broken chimney. I did not want to miss this appointment by being in another meeting at the same time.
On that call we discussed the condition of the chimney and the engagement process. On enquiring when the technician would swing by, he mentioned that the person would be able to do so only the following day.
The following day?? I had decided to work from home that day only so that I could get the contraption fixed!
With much restraint I politely requested him to organize the technician to commit to that day itself, explaining how I was not able to be home the next day since I had to be at my office and how I stayed back this particular day only for this promised visit.
In the middle of my spiel, he went..."I'm sorry, Sir. Your voice is breaking, Sir. What were you saying, Sir?"
Gathering my superpower strengths with a prayer, I raised my voice (as if the elevated volume could fix the fragmentation!) and repeated everything again at the middle of which he repeated, "Sir! Sir! I cannot hear you clearly. What were you saying? Please repeat that again, Sir?"
As he was speaking, I breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly. Could he hear me and not want to engage with me at this point? Was he trained for this at the call center? Perhaps he did not want to own up to the goof-up from his end which inconvenienced me. How come he could hear me just fine till now and not hear at this precise juncture?
All kind of thoughts raced through my prefrontal cortex, temporal lobe, and parietal lobe in the three seconds he took to utter his non-reception of my argument.
Reluctantly, and by now, pessimistically, I repeated myself again. Partly, I believed that he might have genuinely faced a technical issue. So why not, redeem him from the judgment and narration in my mind.
Again, he went, "Sir, Sir, I can't hear you, Sir. Were you saying something, Sir?"
At that point, I thanked him and requested him to dispatch the technician the following day. To my surprise, he heard that in full and responded in the affirmative. He gave me the updated twelve digit alpha-numeric Service Request Number too, which I repeated after him. Not a break in communication transmission.
Being the eternal optimist, I again tried sneaking in my request of sending the technician that same day, and he again went, "Sir, are you trying to speak something now? Sir, your voice is breaking? What were you saying, Sir?"
I hung up.
I wish I could say this was a rare phenomenon. I have observed the core pattern of such conflict-avoidance in my interaction with several others.
The loose patterns of QTD are:
Stage 1- A clear discourse
Stage 2- Rise in conflict
Stage 3- Affected side hears and the other does not (in a repeated fashion, if I may add)
Stage 4- The affected party gives up
Stage 5- Clear discourse continues in the terms suiting the other party
The biggest hinderance to the treatment of QTD is the inability to truly assess whether the deafness really exists. Assuming the non-existence of the deafness makes the affected person look uncivil, judgmental, non-empathetic, and impolite while it is the other party who actually is impolite.
As hope springs eternal, I never assume that Stage 2 is always followed by Stage 3. On the contrary, I am refreshingly encouraged when conflicts in Stage 2 still end in Stage 5 by skipping Stages 3 and 4 and dealing with the conflict.
As for those suffering from QTD, though I initially am inwardly infuriated, I later empathize with their inability to deal with conflict. QTD has given me enough to think through the kind of people who, in other spaces, creatively utilize coping tactics which give them their way without the need for confrontation and resolution. What have your experiences been?