Small Steps on a Long Road in the Right Direction

You know the guy who over-promises and does not deliver? That's my worst nightmare about myself.

Well, it's not that crippling. I haven't seen a shrink for it. Not that I'm always thinking about it either. But I do find myself contemplating it once-in-a-while.

I am driven by the need to generate something that is new, excellent, morally right, clarifies the big picture, makes an impact and outlives me. Phew! Isn't that wild? You can see how this can be crippling.

Here's the deal. I am no Einstein or Gandhi. I am just an ordinary guy who could be delivering your daily newspaper. But I'm the kind of guy who would try to be the best delivery man and even rethink efficient ways to deliver newspapers around the block. I could also reconceive the paradigm of news delivery systems and talk about it... to my wife. Period.

I can't stop dreaming. I can't stop seeing the knots that need to be untied in the various meta-narratives. My mind is always churning with innumerable solutions to the various unasked questions. But there's nothing I do about it than privately pontificate.

I ponder over my insufficiency too. Either I think I don't know enough, or don't do enough, or don't read enough or don't think enough. Almost everyone under the sun seems to be smarter than me! No, I'm not going through a crisis of inferiority complex. I grapple with my utter poverty and think I will be exposed as a fake one day.

But somewhere deep inside there also seems to be a well of confidence that I will beat the odds and finally do something. This blog is one step towards that direction. Here, I intend on catching the bull by the horns and start doing something.

Not so that I derive my identity by it. But so that I make small steps on a long road in the right direction.