Bathroom Yoga-An Invigorating Jugaad of an Indian to Adapt and Overcome First World Disorders
Bathroom Yoga (not to be confused with Bikram Yoga) is a breakthrough concept innovated upon by yours truly, in the midst of my desperation to bathe in highly constrained conditions in a western bathtub some years ago.
As a middle class Indian, bathing was a necessity provoked by the sultry and dusty environs, a discipline ingrained by the incalculable chasings by the venerable mother, brandishing the iconic broomstick. A bucket of water, a mug, a Medimix soap, and a simple cotton towel (which could double up as a net to catch fish, should the situation demand it) has kept more than a billion presentable to the rest of the world.
Here I was, staring at a bath tub, the night I moved into a new house in Philadelphia. It had all the expected bells and whistles. But the one thing it lacked that night, my oversight you see, was the shower curtain.
A shower curtain is not just a screen to prevent prying eyes from peeking into the world of wonders. Of course, even locking the door fixes that problem. The shower curtain is a flimsy barrier of skin that prevents the rest of the bathroom from getting wet. Water is the enemy in the American bathroom!
I always thought this paradoxical. How can there exist bathrooms where the floor is not allowed to be wet? Would not one want to design a drain in some corner of the floor for eventualities? Just in case?
As I stared at my predicament that night, I decided that I will not have these designers rule over my life with their stupidity. The lack of a shower curtain or a bathroom drain was not going to prevent me from my holy ritual.
Armed with a mug, I gingerly stepped into the bathtub. I looked up at the shower head and smirked. And then, I looked proudly at my invaluable Indian mug. I then descended into a squat to fill it with water from the tap at the bottom. Then, in the squatted position, I raised the mug in my right hand, like a sword, and leaned forward with head bent (remember, right hand still upright) as if an oath to the gods of war, and trickled the water from the top of my head and over my back. It was like an anointing that would make Aaron, of the Ps. 133 fame, jealous. I could feel my Longissimus thoracis and capitis extend in ways it had not done in the longest time.
I stretched. I bowed. I extended. I inhaled. And I exhaled. One legged pose. One handed pose. The whole works. Mine eyes had never confronted my obnoxious toes at such close quarters as I attempted to delicately bathe without causing a spill. The jurisdiction beyond the bounds of the tub had to be dry. Twenty minutes and thirty-five unique asanas later, I emerged enlightened. Even Patanjali blushed.
Welcome to the world of Bathroom Yoga. It comes with many benefits. This is the first form of yoga that truly integrates asanas into everyday life activities. For one, it does not make one choose between a bath and exercise. They are one! As the word ‘yoga’ suggests, it truly unites and causes a holy union, especially but not limited to bath and exercise.
As the International Yoga Day draws near, I plan on heading to Ranchi with my bath tub in tow, and showcase my unique contribution to this esoteric world. I am certain, the honorable Prime Minister of India, Shri. Narendra Modi, would be impressed by my sacred contortions.
If you are interested in exploring, expanding, and uniting your perceived inner and outer world, I invite you to push the limits, break the barriers, and undertake a course on Bathroom Yoga TODAY. Only today, will it be offered at a one-time grand discount of 50%. I also offer the in-demand Couples Bathroom Yoga course. But that would be priced at a premium of 200% as the complexity of the asanas increase with two in a bathtub!
